26 Memes and Tweets Giving You a Run for Your Money

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  • 01

    Don't mind me, I'm just chilling

    My toxic trait is that as soon as the sun comes out, I don't want to work.
  • 02

    Who makes the rules around here?

    H I Horse Ladybird
  • 03

    *Slaps trunk*

    you could fit ten, fifteen henchmen in this bad boy. easy FROLET 5700 @frankyouverymuch
  • 04

    That's why they were so cheap

    john @mrjohndarby me: do you sell ducks? him: yes, but they're going quick me: ok I'll take one [later] duck: quick me: I see
  • 05

    Dudes rock

    Emma Pettit @EmmaJanePettit Boyfriend is sitting by his computer eating sausage with Wikipedia opened to the page "Sausage."
  • 06
    Live To crush your enemies Laugh As they are driven before you Love The lamentations of their women
  • 07
    i just personally don't agree with radiation poisoning you held a rock and now you feel bad? grow up.
  • 08
    I can't hold on-give me your hand! FIRST GIVE ME THE LAMP!
  • 09
    JDK @JDKDAY *travels back in time 4000 years* Me: where am I? First guy I see: Hello! You're in the Indus Valley Civilization! Me: oh cool you guys called it that too 11:04 AM 6/1/24 2.6K Views
  • 10
    Jen D'Angelo @jenlikespizza Sorry but I love this badly phrased memorial bench so much ESPONSIBILITY OF EACH OWNER TO SUPERVISE AND CLEAN UP AFTER HIS/HER DOGISL EA CLEAN AND ORDERLY FACILITY NO MORE THAN THREE DOGS ARE ALLOWED PER PERSON EALTH AND SAFETY OF YOUR PUPPY, NO DOGS UNDER THE AGE OF FOUR ARE ALLOWED TO USE THE FACILITY ITH COMMUNICABLE DISEASES ARE NOT ALLOWED ON PARK PREMISES AT ANY TIME NO ANIMALS OTHER THAN DOGS ARE PERMITTED INSIDE THE PARK TELY NO FOOD OR TREATS ARE ALLOWED INSI
  • 11
    A maxx A @climaxximus doctor: describe your average night me: they wear suits of armor doctor: no I mean at bedtime me: they probably take it off 7:00 am - 16 Jan. 20⚫ Twitter for Android L
  • 12
    Mike Chase @TheMikeChase Was very impressed with the air and space museum. Was not expecting all the planes. I thought it was just going to be a big empty building based on the name. But I get it now. . 7:19 PM 8/4/24 From Earth ⚫ 1M Views . 2.5K Reposts 38 Quotes 46K Likes 1K Bookmarks
  • 13
    Buying frozen pizza is such a lie. "Oh I'll save this for when I don't feel like cooking". Surprise, surprise. Day one. Don't feel like cooking WANNABE FOOD
  • 14
    Natalie @jbfan911 A large boulder the size of a what San Miguel Sheriff @SheriffAlert. 23h Large boulder the size of a small boulder is completely blocking east-bound lane Highway 145 mm78 at Silverpick Rd. Please use caution and watch for emergency vehicles in the area.
  • 15
    WORST ALBUM LONGUE 12/12x my CUTTING WHEEL Ale METAL/ST MAX. RPM 5.093 000 EVER
  • 16
    Brittani Nichols @BisHilarious Follow I'm not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home 10:35 AM · 12/7/23 from Earth · 84K Views
  • 17
    Nate Usher @thenatewolf "Tell me the truth, am I out of touch with the common man?" I ask. "Maybe a little," says my butler. I scoff, but my mouth is so full of aged tawny port that I start coughing and almost choke. He pats me on the back a few times. "Don't touch me without your gloves," I wheeze.
  • 18
    Me trying to pull my blanket but I punch myself instead
  • 19
    wheeloffortune-design: I used to work in a little market and we had to cut blocks of cheese in approximately 1lb cubes. To this day, 1lb = 1 block of feta cheese, in my head. My gym trainer was talking about guys lifting up to 1000 lbs. 'That's a lot of cheese,' I said. 'What.' spermiara 81,548 notes Oct 10th, 2023 boredpanda.com
  • 20
    ACK THE FUTURE IS REDUCED FOR QUICK SALE Was: 3.99 TAVE 1.99 $2 $11
  • 21
    girl fieri @realgirl fieri Happy return of "yes of course it's bedtime see how dark it is outside" to all parents who celebrate
  • 22
    Front of house: rings all checks through at once. Back of house: sends all the food at once. Front of house: H 9 C
  • 23
    dappermouth my cat is licking himself loudly and wetly, somewhere in this pitch-black room, and it sounds like there's an old man eating a bowl of chili in the dark with me
  • 24
    When Your German Friend Has Pants So you have hosen...
  • 25
    Sooz @CruisinSoozan I feel like at this point, if I unclench my jaw and relax my shoulders I will probably dissolve like cotton candy in the rain. 0
  • 26
    Jordan Blok @jordaanblok It's ridiculous when someone tells me "aren't there more important things to be mad about?" You novice, you rube. You sh idiot. I can be mad about 20,000 things at once. I am a walking chimera of various furies and petty qualms. 4:19 PM Feb 7, 2019 Twitter for iPhone

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